Enigma
by bigfoot242
Summary: She presents as an enigma to him, something that he needs to figure out in order to remain sane, because that is what he does. [HouseCam]


Disclaimer: Not mine and never will be.

**Enigma**

She holds the photographs in her hands, sitting on the floor with the memories surrounding her. They are all so potent and fragile. They cut through her, making her remember the hopelessness she felt. She looks down at the photograph in her hand and breaks a little bit more. It holds the delicate memory of a happier time. One where death was only a speck on the horizon, pointed out from time to time, but never dwelled upon. The photograph holds the essence of hope within their smiles and reflections of the sun in her beautiful white dress.

The wedding marks the first and last of their perfect days together. From there everything becomes blurred and broken and finally defeated. She knows the exact moment he has given up; he is too tired to fight. It is a relief that she won't have to watch him suffer anymore, but her selfish side kicks in and she doesn't want to let go. She wishes for a reassurance that this won't be the final goodbye. His strong grip on her hand weakens slowly, until she is the only one keeping his hand from falling. And she knows he is gone, but it doesn't hit her like it should. She doesn't cry or scream, but sits silently with empty eyes and a fractured soul. Her grief is kept inside where it does more damage. It cuts her up, leaving her damaged and in pieces. She doesn't know if the pieces can be put back into place.

His death leaves her as just a fragment of the person she used to be. It seems that nothing can ever be the same again. She walks through life as though it is a routine, not being able to feel anything as the numbness has seeped under her skin and filled every pore. Even so, she continues on striving toward the goal of a medical degree. A degree that will allow her to heal the damaged, even those that seem beyond repair. And in the process maybe she can regain a part of herself. She can't feel anything herself, but maybe she can experience the emotions of others. She doesn't want to be numb anymore. She wants to feel something… anything. That is why she is sitting at her desk at two in the morning filling out an application for a fellowship position at Princeton Plainsboro Teaching Hospital.

She is intrigued by him as soon as she walks into the office. He wears an admiring smirk as he peruses her form and the curves of her face. But the scornful words that leave his mouth are far from admiration. Almost as if he hates that she is beautiful and standing before him. For a few seconds his shocking blue eyes hold hers and she sees longing, and what? Regret? She notices the cane that is half hidden behind the desk. She wonders why he needs it and if it is the reason for his acerbic tongue. As she leaves his office, she can feel his blue eyes blazing into her back. She can only wonder about the cards he has been dealt and how he has played them.

A cool breeze through the open window brings Cameron back to the present. She shakes her head of the memories, trying to shake off the emotions too. The memory of what had happened hours before closes in on her, leaving her trapped. She is forced to relive Houses hurtful rejection and harsh conclusions.

_You don't love, you need ... What I am, is what you need. I'm damaged._

But he is wrong. He couldn't have been more off the mark. She is the one who needs fixing. The feelings this man evokes in her, make her feel alive for once. She is feeling things, she didn't think she was capable of anymore. She realizes the pieces of her life and herself are not going to fall into place by themselves. She needs someone to figure out the puzzle and put it back together again for her. She can't stand to be broken anymore. She wants to be healed, and who better to heal her than a doctor. Instead House has opened her precariously bandaged wounds. The one person that is able to heal also has the immense power to shatter her fragile façade.

She uses her mask of innocence and naiveté so others won't see her pain and weakness. "I'm sorry," never helps to dull the pain. It's just an empty phrase people say to make _themselves_ feel better. And yet her charade doesn't seem to work on House. His blue eyes are always probing hers for something more. He knows there is more to her story; he knows she is damaged. He just doesn't know how much. She presents as an enigma to him, something that he needs to figure out in order to remain sane, because that is what he does.

But Allison Cameron cannot let Gregory House solve the riddle. If he does, he will lose interest in her and she will be left alone again. She hates to be alone, to sleep in a cold bed every night. And even though House will not let himself open up and be vulnerable, at least she has her puzzle. As long as she keeps some of the pieces to herself, his interest in her will remain. Maybe, because of this, she cannot ever be whole again, but this way, it seems, he does not have the power to totally destroy her.


End file.
